omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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