Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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