i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
