That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
