i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
