It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
