problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
