I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
