woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
