Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
