whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
