I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
