they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
