So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
