Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize