She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize