im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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