JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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