Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
