if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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