You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your cock deserves a montage
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
