he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
