like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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