hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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