why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
