found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize