I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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