I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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