U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
