Having a random hookup so left but love u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
