A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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