Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think your dad took our porno
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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