Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
