K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
