She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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