It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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