Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
