How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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