When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize