Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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