apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
