Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Those nachos came to me in a dream
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
