Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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