I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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