hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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