I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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