if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
