the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't shave. On purpose
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
