The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
