for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
