You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
