My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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