and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
