so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize