You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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