you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so let's talk penis.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
