I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
