the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
