I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
