i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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