I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
