First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
