Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
