whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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