careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
