i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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