Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
