Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
