So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
