So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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