i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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