so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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