I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
