Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
