Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
