So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
