yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
