I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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