Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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