Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
