$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
