Grow some girl-balls and come out already
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
