Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
