hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize