I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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