The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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