from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
