end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
