So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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