So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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