"it" just moved
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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