Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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