the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
